Saturday, November 6, 2010

If I had Only Known

At this time last year, we were going about our every day life! When the phone rang and we were presented the most Horrific, Shocking, news! Little did I know that life as I know it was about to Drastically Change! My future, would be minus ONE VERY VERY IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE!!!!

The loss of my Big Brother happened on this day One Year Ago, and It has Been the most Emotional, Painful, year imaginable! I try to keep on a positive note, and Try to Remain Thankful for All Of the Precious Memories we have, and am thankful that God Made US Siblings! I couldn't Dream Up a More Perfect Role Model, Fun Loving, Funny, Handsome, All Around Great Guy to have as a Big Brother! His influence on me for 28 years has help me to become a better person! I don't understand God's Plan in only giving him to us for 30 years... But I am Thankful for EVERY SECOND I GOT WITH HIM!

November 6th, 2009 was a day that I lost much more than my Brother... I lost a Dear Friend, and possibly the person who knew me better than anyone in the world... Besides my mother! We have been through Everything together!!
There were 5 sibling total, Jake being the oldest! HE WAS PERFECT! Now I'm the oldest, and I can't hold a candle to him... I'm no good at the Decision Making, Planning, and Advise Giving! He was our families Go To Guy!! We're lost little puppies without him!

I Tell you Life With out him Is Rough! I don't go one Day without a Sick, Agonizing feeling in my stomach of Painfully MISSING HIM!!

Besides Being the Best Big Brother...

~ An Amazing Husband~

(I used to lecture Jess on the way home, from Jake And Shannon's house telling him he needed to learn from Jake)

He was Such An Awesome Cowboy!

He was An Extremely Smart Man!
A Great Friend!

A Great Advise Giver, It seems that EVERYONE went to him with their problems!

I know he was loved by MANY, and MANY people are missing him, not just me!
His funeral Was HUGE!! And the notes and Calls from so many people sharing their love for Jake is Just unbelievable!! Such a Great Person He was!!

Like I said I try to stay positive, BUT...

I HATE Seeing Clark Tucks... I still Break my neck to see if it's him! I hate I now have ants, I know I could call Clark and have someone else come out... BUT just seeing his guys takes my breath away, is a yucky kind of way! And I can't give any other company my business!

I HATE not being able to call him for the stupidest Stuff! I often forget he is gone and dial his number to ask a question... Stupid I know... But when you have Someone in your Life your whole life... It's hard to register sometimes that they are Gone!

I Call his house when I know no one is there just to hear his voice on their machine!
If you had the opportunity to know him you too are Blessed!

If you didn't you sure missed out on One Heck of A Guy!
I wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy... No one should ever have to feel the pain my family has experienced...
But the fact of the matter is... Death happens EVERYDAY, and It just was my first time experiencing it hit so close to home! Which has made me WANT TO TELL EVERYONE, TO LOVE YOUR FAMILY, AND TELL THEM! DO NOT TAKE ONE SECOND YOU HAVE WITH THEM FOR GRANTED! You never know if it might be your last chance you have to be with them! Life here is precious, But I know what we have in store for us after is EVEN MORE PRECIOUS, I just wish I had Jake here for a LOT Longer!!
After Experiencing Something Like this, Ive learned to not sweat the small Stuff in life... Nothing matters, Nothing Besides Having your family with you, happy & Health, all together!
We Never know what tomorrow holds.....

I SAY IT EVERY DAY... I Still Can't believe he is gone!



  1. Just wanted to let you know that you and your family were in my thoughts today. I love the photos of you and Jake as wee two look so much alike.

  2. What a wonderful post! Having a hard time holding back the tears... Jake was great guy! He will never be forgotten! You are keeping his spirit alive..

  3. Thanks Girls... Your Kind words mean a Lot!! XOXO

  4. thanks for the blog comment today Jacklyn, it was a pleasant surprise. Hope your boys are feeling better.

  5. I stopped by to catch up on your blog post!
    This post is beautiful, written by a beautiful loving caring sister! I think you are doing a wonderful job holding the candle as the oldest and you love your family so much! I enjoyed seeing you today, and all your happy smiles! you are def keeping his spirit alive. I admire you jacklyn Johnson for your strong heart! I know its tough and we all take life for granted, we do need to appreciate it more, and not worry about the small stuff like you said! god bless you and your beautiful family!


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